two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
