and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
