I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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