Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
