After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
