You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
