If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
