what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
