If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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