Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
