Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
