I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
