I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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