im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
