The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
