What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
