I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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