She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
