I skipped work to stalk him.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
