Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
