I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
