Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He felt like a one man threesome
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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