how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
