so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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