I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
