My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
