Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He keeps bees of course he's weird
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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