There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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