Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think my moral compass just broke
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
