Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
