I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
