My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
