i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
