I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
