gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
