so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
