i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
