i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
