Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
