You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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