Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
