I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
