Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
