some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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