My nipple is on Facebook.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
