I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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