All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
