i barfeds in our rink
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
