try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
