I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
