Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My boob is missing a layer of skin
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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