Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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