Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
