yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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