John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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