I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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