I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
