If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
