I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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