I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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