i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i think i just lost a toe
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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